people pleaser flare up

Of course, as I am writing the parts of my book relating to the death of my inner people pleaser, a situation arises where my old people pleasing patterns flare up. A situation where someone in my life acted in a way that made me question myself. I felt hurt, and worried that I'd triggered or upset them.

I really do still care what people think. I probably always will, to an extent, particularly if I deeply care about the person in question.

And so as I write these chapters on this topic I keep wondering; when did we start caring so much what people think? What is that about?

Why are we raised to care so much about what other people think, over and above caring about ourselves?

Why are our school systems and workplaces teaching us to be 'yes people' rather than to critically reflect and honour our own needs.

Tara Mohr mentions in her book Playing Big that this is more common with females and that girls are often taught to be good at pleasing their teachers and leaders. I know that I resonate with this, I prided myself on my ability to ‘do a good job’ at school and in workplaces, as well as with friends, family - or really just anyone, I wanted everyone to like me at all times.

Many of us have such a fear of rejection that we sometimes forget to be ourselves. This was absolutely me.

I used to spend a large portion of my time worried, questioning myself and criticising myself. My people pleaser was LOUD.

But now, I spend a smaller period of time feeling worried about what people think, and it no longer stops me from fully being myself.

Looking forward to sharing all of the tips and tricks (in the upcoming courses) that I have learnt to acknowledge but quieten that part of myself, and not allow it to run the entire show.

May we all learn to unwind that conditioning, and feel able to be our individual selves. Loudly and proudly. 

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